To be generous isn’t so much about what we give or how much we give. The point is that we get to practice loosen our habit of clinging.

If you want to feel your best, you have to eat the best.

In my lesson with Arthur on Jan 23’ 09, my mind/body/spirit awareness was completely connected and joy splashed into every single cell of my body. I was able to maintain the connection toward the end of our lesson and it was a wonderful blessing. Now I can understand better why Arthur always tells me “This is the place that I ultimately want you to live.” Its joy is beyond what I can imagine.

In the moment, even though I felt happiness within, I was in shock at the same time. The connection came by surprise and came very smoothly which later became a challenge. Right after I hung up, fear slowly crawled in and took over my joy. I felt nervousness and an insecure energy right at the base of the spine (first chakra). Its power remained intense for many hours. Then next 5-6 days after the incident, I battled with this negative energy while I did my regular vocal awareness practice.

Inside my head, I heard a voice say “How dare you think you can become enlightened about vocal awareness so easily!” God!!

The power behind this sentence pushed my daily practice out of wack. I couldn’t tune in to any rituals. My breath was short and I couldn’t infuse the quality of loving energy into it. My practice became rushed and ruff which left me each day with a feeling of unhappiness and confusion. I was very frustrated, but I forced myself stick to my practice and I tried not to take anything personally. Arthur has said that I have to be exceedingly forgiving to myself if I can’t give the same quality to my practice each day.

The situation became easier to deal with after I went back and listened to a record of my lesson. Hearing Arthur’s voice on the tape and applying everything I learned on this particular day has been very helpful in terms of decreasing the strength of this negative energy.

My practice has returned to normal and I have observed that every time I speak by connecting to the root chakra, my voice becomes richer, fuller and feels much lower. The lower tone in my voice makes sometime me feel like I am the only one that can hear it. It’s hard to project the energy outward compare with my usual way of speaking.

My vocal awareness practice on Jan 17, ’09 was unlike any other that I have ever experienced.

I practiced reading a new article and focused my attention on “seeing the nasal edge and the arch of sound” because I strive to project my inner energy outward. However while I was in the second aspect of the practice, I experienced a complete reversal of energy flow. Instead of projecting out, it soared back in.

My pitch became low, deep and heavy. Normally, I can easily make 5-6 words in one breath, but on this day I was only able to make 2-3 words at a time and I felt something push deeper and deeper into my torso. I was forced to slow down so I could continue with my practice.

Then at the conclusion of the practice the energy which has collected inside of me surged back out like a blast of small particles and absorbed into my cells. The feeling was wonderful, like a spray of cool water on a hot day. It felt fresh, sparkling, and bright.

Today I feel a strong sense of confusion and nervousness. Compulsive thoughts are exploding with negative messages. Great, the journey to the greatness is full of challenges. The story in my head is like, I don’t get the attention I need, and I shouldn’t be here, no one listen to me, I am no one. Damn!! What the heck are these all about?

Ok, when I am in fully awareness with my situation, I actually have nothing to complain about. I have made a commitment to be with the Work and I have all the time that is needed for me to do everything I have to do right now. Beside this most important journey, I also have places to go for dancing, yoga, and exercising when I need to. I have time to cook my own delicious and healthy food which I want it to. I am in the relationship that is so supportive for my practice since I can have all time and spaces. So knock, knock..stop complaining, won’t you?

I really like the preciseness of the voice in my practice today. It felt mature and honor. However, it can be a little bit more intimate. The consistent of my conscious Loving breath still needs a lot of work. I believe that I just have to remember it over and over and over again until it will automatically be a part of me. Plus the deeper listening will eventually come right along with my conscious loving breath. Even though I can’t see all the words I say yet, but I can feel some of the words very strongly since I focus hard to release the emotion into the words. I am happy with it, but I have to remind myself not to get carry on into the emotional of the words; I have to consciously connect to every step of the speech.

By listening to my practice today, I finally sensed first hand what it meant when Arthur shared with me one important insight. First I have to say that I agree with him that vocal awareness is about energy. And while we speak, the energy is carried through and that what people connect with. That is why we create the term “It isn’t what you say, it’s how you say it.” That is also why when people sing or listen to the music they move in a certain way. It is because of the energy behind it. Cool!! So, Arthur told me that if we are really conscious in the energy of the words we say, we can speak at the best potential that words will allow energy to channel out smoothly and powerful. Next to know that people will response intensively to it since the energy connects and moves energy. That is the coolest thing that I never hear from anyone before, and it feels fit right in. Oh oh oh!! I have work to do.

Watching myself inward
It is silent!!
The refrigerator makes so much noise.

This Wednesday has been one of the freaky experiences in my life. I had some form of sickness symptoms which at first, I thought I was sick, but intuitively I didn’t agree with it. They were the reaction of something else.

In the day time, I felt an incredible heat rose up to the surface from the deep source within. I sweated and felt extremely hot. I sweated so much while I was on the phone with Arthur and was talking about our journey together. I also asked my fiancé if he decided to change the temperature in the house, but he didn’t do any of that. This heat wave within was last forever which at a time it’s concerned me.

On top of that, I couldn’t really practice my vocal awareness since I felt the soar in my throat. I separated all the rituals and practiced them at the different time instead of all at once. The weird part was this. For the last ritual, I have been practicing a story to perform to the group. But then on the phone with Arthur, he told me to practice my first vocal awareness performance again, so I decided to practice both today. First, I practiced the story for the group and my throat started to feel very uncomfortable. It felt dry and a bit pain. Then, I thought it would not be good to keep practicing but I continued my practice with my first performance anyway. This time my throat felt absolutely fine. Crap!! Something unusual was happening to me. Well, to make sure that this was something extraordinary, so, I decided to practice the story for the group again. And as what I expected, my throat felt very unhappy.

After I finished my practice I could sense the fear within, but then my intuition guided me that what I felt was the release of my heavy pain-bodies. This particular pain- body had the power over me for so many years, but not anymore. This time, I am serious and my energy is very serious. So, things have shift inside of me which is such an alien feeling!!! I didn’t feel comfortable to have to understand the meaning of all of these while I was home alone. Then, I called my friend to share this experience, so I could ease my inner anxiety. He said that he couldn’t agree more!! He said to me to enjoy and say “thanks “to the experience. Also, we both agree on one thing that I had to not identify myself with any of these.

At night, I started to feel very chill, so I put a blanket (fold twice for more thickness) all over me. My feet and my hands were both freezing. I heard the voice in me again said “this is freaky!!!”

The vocal awareness group practice was divine yesterday. I was thrilled.

Anne and I have been doing this together for a while since we were back from Omega. However after the NY trip with Arthur, now Carol and Mary are joining the practice, and yesterday was the first time. It put the smile on my face when I felt the energy and dedication from all of us. Personally, I can’t wait for the next practice.

I went to the Dentist today and on the way back I looked up at the sky. Oh God, it was absolutely breathed taking; it was beautiful. The sky appeared in light gray and all the clouds had different shades of gray. Some big and some small and they were in different places in the sky. !!! It looked like giant huge beautiful wallpaper which placed behind all the trees on the side of the street that now all the leaves turn into red, orange and yellow color. I wished I had a camera at a time, but what I wished more was to know how to make that shot perfectly. I am not a professional photographer, and to have a camera and don’t know how to capture what I see in front of me, hummm!!! It requires greater techniquesJ. It seems like a time for me to have a new hobby!!!!

Last two days has been one of the challenges days that of course they came to test me. They challenged my fear which (of course at first) it worked since it triggered the old pattern; however, right away I replaced them with slow silent Loving (many) breath. I spent over over and over again to follow through it, until this particular compulsive thinking was just vanishing. It was quite a battle, but it was worth any minute.

I have to thanks my dear friend (Slow Silent Loving Breath) again.

I got back from the trip around midnight, and didn’t get to bed probably around 1:30am today.

After my passion branding trip with Charlie and Ellie, I united with beautiful people and received many compliments from sharing my speech in front of the room with them. It felt good at the moment, and I felt that I was heading into the right direction, but still a bit fuzzy.

So, I have contemplated every moment I could, put my mind in the quite space, so hoped that I could hear more from my intuition about what direction to talk.

Since I haven’t been connected to any signs yet, the negative energy then infused its strength and increasing the frustration, and I heard my inner voice said “What the hectic is going on?” Everything around me was easily stirring my energy. My body felt exhausted from the trip, but I was practicing hard on my mind and plus had to do some other important chores. Finally around 5:30pm, I told myself that this wasn’t working, and I pushed myself too far.” Then, I decided to pack my swimming gear and went for swimming. While I was driving, I heard myself said that this action might not be a good act to take upon, I probably ended up pass out. Well, it actually was taking a different turn, the endorphins was helping me big time. I was out from YMCA’s building with a refresh, uplifting, and feeling like I could do everything and nothing can stop me (again).

This action has been one of my cheerful habits that uplifting my energy when nothing else can, using my physical motion to create the endorphins hormone to feed my energy. I have been persistence with this action and 99% it safes me.

Well, now I am connect back with my beauty within, so ok I don’t intone with my intuition yet, but the world isn’t end yet and I have tomorrow to do it, and by saying that I humbly respect the shift of the universe.

I still can’t thank God enough for giving me the best gift yet, one I have been waiting patiently for. I will remember his particular life experience for as long as I’m alive, since it occupies a very special place in my heart.

I am home now, sitting in the living room, looking at the scenery outside, and having slow, silent loving breath. I am enjoying every breath. I am relishing this moment since it allows me to taste the sweetness of the memory that still shines bright within.

Before embarking on my trip, I had familiarized myself with the concepts taught by Arthur Joseph in the vocal awareness workshop at the Omega Institute. Despite my preliminary studies of Arthur’s work, the real experience was way beyond my expectations. Reading his book, listening to his CD or watching his DVD are all exercises that pale in comparison to sitting by his side at this workshop, experiencing his nourishing, calm, safe, sweet and powerful energy firsthand.

On the first day, class started with one important question from Arthur: “Why are we here?” I found my courage and shared tearfully that I want to heal my internal wound that I feel prevents me from being myself during conversation with others. Earlier in my life I was scarred by abusive judgments made by my ex-husband regarding my ability to speak English. He told me with great displeasure that his employees in China were doing much better at speaking English than I. I thought to myself, “my hard work isn’t worth anything really!” Throughout my life, I have my best daily effort at working to be a better person, but in the eyes of the person whom I trusted and loved the most, I was a failure.

That past judgment opened a very painful wound that has not since healed. Consequently, I have extremely low confidence when I am having a conversation with other human beings. While speaking, I become overly concerned about constructing the perfect sentence that will convey my thoughts clearly. I constantly think about verb tense, how to move my tongue properly, and how to put subject, object and verb together correctly. Since so much of my energy goes into that intense anxiety, the words never come out the way I want them to. The problem gets worse when somebody asks me to repeat what I just said. I know immediately that my English was not clear or correct; this quickly triggers my pain response and results in a debilitating mental retreat. I know that I don’t want to continue living everyday like this, I have to do something. I want to be myself, I want to be free, and finally the day has come.

After the first class, Arthur had a one-on-one conversation with me. He wanted to be sure that I felt safe with him, and indeed I did. His energy was so comfortable, welcoming and powerful; I could not help but feel the safety of home. Later I learned it was not just I who felt that way, but that everyone else in the class felt the same. Every one of us was touched by his unbelievably beautiful and wholesome energy. I was amazed to observe my classmates as they opened themselves up to Arthur one by one. Everyone of us shed our fears and worries. We were free to be our natural selves, which made this class as a heaven on earth.

Arthur has an amazing gift. He feels the emotional distress that comes from the voice that we create, and it does not depend on the words that we say. From what I observed at the workshop, Arthur works directly with the subconscious mind. First he helped us to let go of the negativity that we hold on to. Then he helped us to reclaim that wasted energy and enjoy the power of being ourselves. On top of that, Arthur has an enormous store of his own balanced energy which he can use to dislodge barriers to efficient being in others.

His enlightening lessons about how the voice can be used to guide our mind, body and spirit to work together are amazing. We all became speechless when we realized the implications of his teachings; it took many conscious breaths before we could put all the pieces together. Even now, it baffles my mind to realize that what I first believed to be comical exercises (pull out our tongue, put two figures underneath our tongue, make humorous voices) are actually very powerful tools to release our emotions and focus our energy outward. The more we make noise, the simpler it seems to connect to our inner self. And when that happens, it is glorious.

I felt free, happy, and joyous during every moment spent with Arthur and the others in the class. We all blossomed in that class, transforming our tensions and fears into strong but tender and sweet energy which was felt and shared by all. When I took the experience in with my sweet silent loving breath, I could not resist letting the happy tears flow. Soon thereafter, I had a sweet smile fixed on my face.

It wasn’t easy for any of us when it came time to say goodbye. I had to take many silent loving breathes and consciously remind myself to surrender to the reality that it could not last forever. I allowed myself a long, drawn out moment in order to capture the full significance of this beautiful memory and to save it deep within. Now, whenever I need it again, all I have to do is practice my slow, silent loving breath and let it envelop my entire body.

Thanks to Arthur….and I miss you, my beautiful classmates…